A sufficiently desperate amalgamated waffle sorter

I have noticed, recently, a change in the way I act and perceive myself relative to leeshajoy, at least where pony-munning matters are concerned.

( In the beginning... )

I wonder how many people can legitimately say that the voices in their heads keep them sane?

It's odd to say, I know. But if one's definition of sanity includes understanding and being able to deal with other people, I'd say it's accurate enough for me.

Way back when I started at Milliways, I believed I played Felix basically as myself. This was not entirely true - I played him as somewhere between myself and his canonical self, with a few aspects from neither. Vestiges of this remain to this day. But it sort of set the stage for playing him as he actually is, and even more, hearing him. The Felix who lives in my head today may not be precisely the canonical Felix. But he specifically isn't me. He has different goals, motivations, and responses than I do. And because he isn't me, but I have access to his personality, I have that much more understanding of persons-other-than-me. It's no longer exactly trial and error - or it is, but without external consequences.

And the other voices I've picked up along the way - Kain, and Rose, and Fluttershy, and Applejack, and to a lesser degree Spock and Karis, and even the alternate Felixes - all help. They're at different degrees of not-me, but more importantly, they're in different directions. Even if Rose were more like me, she wouldn't necessarily be more like Kain. Spock isn't on the same line as Fluttershy, no matter what their respective 'distances'. And so on. Which means that I have more places I can look to figure out what people expect, and how they will react to whatever I do.

I still don't expect to ever be "normal", but because of headvoices I think I can fake it better than I used to.

It is very interesting to rewatch My Little Pony specifically watching for Fluttershy, what she does and why. It's not my only focus - I'm also on the lookout for hilarious youtube subtitles - but it is a thing I'm looking for.

For instance, the episode Dragonshy. When I first watched it I was all "character defamation!" Which, yes, it kind of is, but it's also quite revealing.

( The revelations )